Stress Free Mode

Now, as I typed on my laptop, my 5 year-old daughter sits in front of me, doing her own work.

She is doing something on her own. Something that no one tells her to do. It is 100% at her own will.

She is copying from a storybook. It is a Malay storybook she borrowed from school. And she is trying to read as she copies. 

She is smiling as she tries to read the words and although she still struggles with many of the words, she is smiling while she tries. Once in a while, she would ask me how to pronounce a certain syllable. 

And now, she is singing out the words she copies. 

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This scene, right in front of me, is the result of an important lesson I learnt a year ago. 

I learnt that, for effective learning to take place, the learner should be in a "stress free mode". 

And for them to be in that mode, it most probably has to be something they find interesting or rather, something they want to do, at their own will.

OR

Create a "stress free environment" where they can try, and make mistakes, without the fear of being judged or even punished. 

Under such condition, difficulties will be tackled with much more patience. And it creates more opportunities for them to be willing to take in whatever they were being taught.

FEW YEARS BACK

As a stay-at-home mom, the main objective that I have set for myself is nurturing and educating my children. And I have failed many, many times as a good parent. 

I have been impatient, due to the many tasks I have in hand, and I have also been very strict in getting them to follow the rules I have set, especially when it comes to their studies. 

I was in a hurry to see them learn a lot of things and be competitive in school.

But all these wouldn't work as well as I had hoped for.

More than often, we ended up having a hard time, with scoldings and tears and then followed by the fixing part where hugs, kisses and "it's ok" comes in. Not a good cycle especially if this happens everyday. Study time would eventually becomes a time where both parties fear of.

This cycle was one that I had with my son. My elder child. Day in day out. And it effected our relationship greatly.

Then one night, after our bedtime story, he cried in his bed. He was inconsolable. I asked him why. And he said: Mommy, I am so sacred of you.

My heart stopped. I was torn apart.

I had punished him so severely that afternoon for hiding homework and not studying his spellings again. I hit him with my hand so hard that I could feel the pain even after a long time. I was devastated that again and again, he refused to do what he should do. It was his responsibility after all. No?

But

I promised myself that I would change my method of teaching.

I lowered my expectations and became his study buddy instead of his teacher. I removed the authoritarian figure in me. I let him decide on how many words he is willing to learn for his spellings. Eight out of ten or five out of ten. It's his decision.

As long as he doesn't "fail".

As long as he tried.

Even if he just wanted to rewrite the words once.

I just let it be.

Surprisingly, I saw better results.

A few months down the road, he started doing his homework without my supervision.
One fine afternoon, as we were getting ready for study time,
he said: Mummy, I can do it on my own. I will ask for help if there are things that I don't understand.

I am sure you know how I felt. I was so proud of him! 

I began to think that every child should be given the chance to develop at their own pace. Sooner or later, they will catch up. Why hurry?